Senioritis overtakes class of 2015

Logan McCubbins

Seniors Payton Loy and Kelsey Edwards completely overtaken by senioritis as nurse Florence White checks their temperatures.

By Kaitlyn Aaron and Logan McCubbins

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Due to the lack of attendance and ambition in the graduating class of 2015, seniors have been officially diagnosed with senioritis by the county’s specialist, Dr. Ekis Lirpa.

“The students of the current graduating class have been coming in, if they come in at all, complaining of severe fatigue and have severe wet eye syndrome from the tears of stress. Many carry multiple boxes of tissues attached to their arms,” said Lirpa.

Officer Gniddik Tsuj had to issue a missing persons report for 32% of the class body.

Many have been seen fleeing to Canada to avoid college rejection letters.

The Center for Disease Control has currently issued a plague classification for senioritis. The school has sent a statement home to parents. “This could potentially be worse than any apocalypse, as students every year get worse,” said Director of Health Nur Yawa.

For those who are choosing to stick around and face senior responsibilities and college next year, they are being offered free therapy and boxes of tissues.

Instead of the classical Pomp and Circumstance, “Started from the Bottom” by Drake will be played as the seniors who made it sprint across the stage and run immediately out of the doors forever.