Among TikTok’s thousands of viral trends, there is nothing quite like the infamous ‘pick-me girl’ phenomenon. The term ‘pick-me girl’ can be defined as a girl who promotes herself to be against “feminine” customs by appearing more “masculine” in order to gain a male’s attention. The ultimate purpose is to prove she is not like most girls and essentially be “picked” by a man. Though this trend is incredibly popular, many are unaware of the deeply rooted misogynistic issues that come with this dangerous and toxic phenomenon.

The term “pick me” and its whereabouts are unknown, but “pick me” girls did not originate on TikTok. The trend first gained its popularity on Twitter in 2016, with the hashtag “#TweetLikeAPickMe.” Soon after on TikTok in 2021, its popularity skyrocketed as many skits emerged of people making fun of “pick me” girls.

A ‘pick-me girl’ wants to distance herself from stereotypical “feminine” customs like going shopping and doing her makeup by doing stereotypical “masculine” activities instead, like playing video games or participating in sports. Though this is supposed to be seen as a power move on the girl’s part, all it does is give power to stereotypical gender roles by defining what a boy and girl should do and separating everyday activities that either gender could enjoy if they wished.

Part of the package of being a ‘pick-me girl’ is degrading other women who do not fit the standards of a ‘pick-me girl,’  all for the simple cause of getting a male’s attention and being “picked” for being different. Women are already oppressed in our sexist, male-dominated society; why do we need women to hate on other women as well? Though it may not seem so at first glance, the ‘pick-me girl’ trend reveals the insecurities some girls face when needing to have the upper hand by diminishing other women to be approved by men.

Though the concept ‘pick-me girl’ claims to be superior by leaning away from traditional female values, which, in itself, is misogynistic, its central concept still connects back to gaining approval from men. How can a ‘pick-me girl’ be seen as the better choice even if she chooses to be different by not caring much about hair and makeup, but all for the same reason so many women had no choice but to do so hundreds of years ago?

“Pick me” girls share several similarities with the cool girl trope that appears in movies, which is where a woman essentially changes herself to fit a man’s dream girl standards. If he loves sports, she’s a professional athlete and incredibly gorgeous all at the same time.  However, she’s not supposed to have any depth beyond that; she is merely just a fantasy doll there to please men and not be any threat to him and his masculinity, just like a ‘pick-me girl.”

The trend ‘pick-me girl’ honestly is saddening, as it reveals how so many girls in our generation feel so badly about themselves that they think their only way to be truly happy is to change themselves to gain male attention. Any girl should do whatever she wants to, not for a guy or anybody else other than herself. It comes down to real love coming from within oneself, and soon once that happens, love from others will appear as well.

This story was originally published on The Tide on November 18, 2021.