Floating weightlessly through space feels liberating, until the darkness envelops every wink of starlight, collapsing endlessly into a seemingly inescapable pit.

For first-year and legal studies major Evan Kilos, this feeling was tied to the use of crystal methamphetamine.

Kilos was introduced to the drug in 2017 after the passing of his father.

“You’re trying to catch a feeling. And then I found out that I could get it on my own. I found out that people actually go out and look for this; it’s a culture. And I fell into it,” Kilos said.

The hole grew wider, becoming an addiction, and Kilos, lost himself in the void.

“After I’ve run through all my money, run through all my friends, I got down to being 105 lbs. I have HIV also. When you’re a slave to the drug, you don’t look at anything else,” Kilos said.

According to statistics from The Postsecondary National Policy Institute, about one in three undergraduate students is nontraditional, meaning they are older or younger than the 18-22 age group that dominates universities and colleges.

Kilos, 43, fits that category in more ways than one.

Before he started using, In 2000, Kilos enlisted in the Navy. Two years later, he was given an other than honorable discharge, used to expel LGBTQ service members from the military prior to the repeal of the “Don’t Ask Don’t Tell” law.

“When I was deployed and I was on the USS Carney in the middle of the Persian Gulf, it got found out that I was gay. Back when I came out in the early 2000s, gay community was still subculture. My family didn’t approve at all,” Kilos said.

Despite the ongoing stigma around the LGBTQ community, Kilos moved to Norfolk, Virginia, and started participating in drag performances.

It wasn’t until 2016 that Kilos received a formal apology and was promoted to an honorable discharge, with full benefits. It was with these benefits that Kilos was able to pursue an education to become a paralegal.

“I tried going back to school. I couldn’t show up on time. I couldn’t understand the practices, the policies. You can’t do that on drugs. I dropped out and then I went to rehab,” Kilos said.

Kilos was ejected from the first facility he tried. However, he was later admitted into another 28-day program and saw it through.

“Every time that he has faced a challenge or been knocked down, he stood back up. He always finds a way,” said Jewel Kerr Jackson, Kilos’ English 101 professor at Community College of Baltimore County, Dundalk.

Following his discharge from rehab, Kilos enrolled in CCBC. After finishing his prerequisite credits there, Kilos transferred to Stevenson University in the fall of this year.

“I found the program for legal studies. I’m taking it one day at a time. I met the nicest people. I felt at home; I don’t feel like I’m an alien. I was asked to join the legal society,” Kilos said.

Kilos still has three more years at Stevenson until he can apply to law school, but those in his corner are sure his tenacity will take him farther.

“He has a long road towards his goal of becoming a lawyer. Most people would not take that on in their forties. Evan knows it will be extremely hard, and he does acknowledge that, but he is determined to get there,” Kilos’ godmother Lisa Thomaidis said.

Kilos grew up watching Star Trek; the show was an escape to another world, just as drugs became later in his life.

“Addiction, like outer space, is uncharted. You can either learn from it or die in it,” Kilos said.

Choosing the former, Kilos relates his journey to that of the USS Enterprise in Star Trek, setting a course for the second star to the right and straight on till morning.

“I always wanted to be an attorney. I’m here. I’m closer and closer to it every day,” Kilos said.

This story was originally published on Stevenson Villager on October 1, 2024.